QUICKIE: A boring, drawn out story of a crazy man killing everyone he can find in the desert while rangers try to find and kill him.
PLOT: A defecting Russian scientist (Tor Johnson) is transformed by an atomic test into a murderous monster. A couple is killed, boys get lost, their dad is shot at while searching for them. Rangers climb mountains searching for the monster and they eventually find and kill him.
SUMMARY: This begining of this film is for guys. It begins with a chick fresh from the shower wrapped only in a towel who promptly gets strangled. Then there's Russian spies, a shoot out and a car chase that ends in the desert. The big Russian spy with his briefcase chained to his wrist sets off into the desert to escape while the shoot out continues. Then boom! An atomic blast complete with historic mushroom cloud footage. And voila! Our Russian spy becomes a murdering psychopathic monster. Because as Hiroshima has taught us all, nuclear bombs do create psychopaths intent on murdering everything they can find.
The local cop goes to his buddy's house and we hear the caveman like mini-sentences while the whole scene focuses on his hot wife in low cut, high hitched nightgown sexily getting out of bed, bending over so we can oogle the hot clevage and then she gets back into bed so we can oogle her legs. Completely gratuitous boobie & leg scene, but I was so caught up with the sex appeal I didn't care. But I did laugh at this slow caveman dialogue:
Joe: Jim?
Jim: Be down in a minute Joe.
Jim: Yea?
Joe: Better come with me. Trouble up the road. Murder.
Jim: Be right down.
Jim: See ya later honey.
Boring reading, but funnier when dragged out for dramatic effect which it just can't deliver. I really expected the men to follow up with "ugga, ugga. me. man. fire. kill." The dialougue is generally sparse. There's long quiet stretches in the movie, punctuated by a narrator who makes comments like this:
Twenty hours without rest and still no enemy. In the blistering desert heat, Jim and Joe plan their next attack. Find the Beast and kill him. Kill, or be killed. Man's inhumanity to man.
A strange, boring film that leaves me saying yuck-a to "Yucca". heehee
The Beast of Yucca Flats ~ 1961 -BW
The Terror ~ 1963 -colour
QUICKIE: Soldier hunts for a hot chick he meets on the beach and finds out she's a ghost haunting a Baron's cool castle. Jack Nicholson & Boris Karloff!
PLOT: France, 18th century. Lieutenant Andre Duvalier (Jack Nicholson) has been accidentally separated from his regiment. He is wandering near the coast when he sees a young woman. Eventually she takes him to the sea, where she disappears in rough water. Andre loses consciousness when he is trying to follow her and is attacked by a bird.
He awakes in a house with an old witch woman and a dumb man. She claims their is no woman. After he leaves, he sees the young woman again and when trying to follow her is saved by the dumb man from certain death. He learns that to help the girl, he must go to castle of Baron Van Leppe and find Eric. When the Lieutenant arrives he sees the woman looking from a window. Baron Van Leppe (Boris Karloff) is old and claims there's no woman in the castle, but shows Lt. Duvalier a painting which does indeed portray her. Lt. Duvalier learns that she is the baroness, who died twenty years ago at the Baron's hand when he returned from the war and found her in bed with Eric.
Eventually we learn the "ghost" is a girl who is being controlled by the witch woman who saved Lieutenant Duvalier earlier. The witch woman turns out to be seeking revenge against the Baron for killing her son Eric who was the Baroness' lover.
SUMMARY: A very good story line with great actors (of course!). The second time through it's a great movie to fall asleep to. I just love those old castles with HUGE ballrooms. WOW.
The Screaming Skull ~ 1958 -BW
QUICKIE: Newlywed couple returns home to a house haunted by the husbands first wifes' ghost.
PLOT: Newlyweds Eric and Jenni Whitlock retire to his desolate mansion, where Eric's first wife Marianne died from a mysterious freak accident. Jenni, who has a history of mental illness, begins to see strange things including a mysterious skull, which may or may not be a product of her imagination. Suspicion falls on Mickey, the estate's mentally challenged gardener, who seemingly was very attached to his former mistress.
SUMMARY: You know you're in for a goodie when the movie opens with the promise that you just might die of fright from watching the following movie, and if by chance you do die, you are promised free burial services by the movies' producers. Haw! I'm sure my family would appreciate that. So, was I frightened? I'll admit I turned the sound down a few times because I hear creaking wood floors enough from my upstairs neighbors. Now, if you want a real fright we can discuss the noises they make in bed, but I'm digressing. The screaming gets tiresome too. Why must every female in every B&W movie try to destroy our hearing with that shrieking?
The story had a few twists and I suspected the gardner, the husband, the wife, and then the ghost. You never know in some movies untill they're over. The end was predictable, but what do you expect? The floating skull harassing the husband was just too far from reality for me to buy any of it. But who cares! I don't watch for realism, I watch for laughs. Generally at the end of this movie I was laughing more than being scared to death as the opening cautioned us. But I suppose one could die from laughing while choking on their popcorn. That'd be scary.
It was interesting enough to keep me watching although I knew it would be the skull knocking on the door. How predictable was that? Very. Also predictable that the husband would die the same way his previous wife had. The nice thing about these classic films is that every bit of dialogue is significant. So if they go into great detail about the 1st wifes' death, then you can bet it's some type of forshadowing. But again, a strong grown man couldn't stop a skull from biting his neck? & a female skull at that? I guess it was the power of vengance that fueled the skull to murder? Letting go of reality is a requirement in these films.
The Attack Of The Giant Leeches ~ 1959
QUICKIE: Giant leeches live in the local swamp and are eating people.
PLOT: In a community nearby a swamp, after moonshine-swilling-trapper Lem Sawyer sees a giant creature, people start disappearing. While searching for illegal traps nature preserve/game warden Steve Benton (Ken Clark) and his girl-friend Nan Greyson (Jan Shepard) find Lem dying with giant sucker wounds on his body.
The cuckold Dave Walker finds his wife Liz Walker cheating on him with his friend Cal Moulton. He chases the couple through the swamp, and forces them to jump into the water. The leeches attack them, and the shocked Dave is arrested, accused of murder. When police refuse to believe Dave's story, he hangs himself in his cell.
Two other locals decide to look for the bodies of Liz and Cal to get the prize of US$ 50.00 per body, and also vanish into the swamp. Game Warden Steve Benton and Nan's father, Dr Greyson realize that the people were taken by the leeches and conclude they live in caves under the swamp. Using dynamite, the 4 missing bodies are discovered. Game warden Steve Benton organizes a patrol to investigate the caves under the swamp, finding the lethal giant leeches and then destroys them.
SUMMARY: If just the title of this movie makes you giggle then you will laugh outright when you see the "giant leech" is a man dressed in a black garbage bag. Classic special effects! The other gem in this movie is the scuba scene where the leading man Ken Clark is clad in the current fashion swim trunks which are slim fitting, tight and sexy! And look at those muscles and that chest hair!
The plot is silly. As radiation from nearby Cape Canaveral has caused leeches to mutate and grow big enough to devour everything in the swamp including crocodiles and then start in on the humans. One part that bugs me is the leeches put the people into underground caves, keeping them alive until the leeches want to eat again. I've kept pet leeches before, and once they get a food source they don't let go of it until it's drained of blood. But we'll ignore that venture from reality. As well as the typical classic movie dumb down that a group of 3 or more intelligent people won't gang up against the single stupid enemy and kill it.
They also don't explain that before the leeches arise from the water they create a bunch of bubbles which seem to render the humans unconscious. I can only guess it's the worst case of leech farts ever. But I suppose on a diet of swamp creatures you'd have bad gas too. They also emit strange sounds whenever on screen. I can only surmise it's the leech mating call, as well as a cue for the viewer to suspect leech danger. All in all, a fun romp, and the story was believable enough to keep me interested throughout.
Trivia
*I was watching a trailer mash-up and Bela Lugosi showed up to introduce one of his movies. Bela himself pronounced his name Bee-la. Logically, it is spelled to pronounce that way as well. In America I have always heard it pronounced Bell-A. Now that I have heard it directly from Bela's own mouth, I will furthermore pronounce it Bee-la. You should do the same. (Although, in America we mispronounce everything foreign, so it may not matter anyway.)
PDMR blog movie rules
*Please note that these are not my personal views, but rather sarcastically and (hopefully) humorously reflect the mentality of these movies. It was the 1930-70s and times were extremely different then. "Political correctness" referred to a non-corrupt politician, and according to these movies there weren't any.
Here's a list of rules that apply to these classic movies:
#1. Suspension of reality makes the story work and the movie enjoyable.
#2. Crime doesn't pay.
#3. All Dr.s are psychokillers.
#4. Cops are abusive and stupid.
#5. Only an independent private detective has the brains to solve a crime.
#6. Politicians are corrupt.
#7. Newspaper people will do anything to get a story.
#8. Blonds are stupid.
#9. Some girls are just bad.
#10. Some guys are just mean.
#11. A group of 3 or more women will have a cat fight.
#12. Smoking non-stop is cool and not at all bad for your health.
#13. A shot of whiskey makes everything tolerable.
#14. The bad guys always get busted.
#15. You'll usually be killed the same way you murdered someone.
#16. All dialogue foreshadows the story of the rest of the movie.
#17. Love will overcome any evil.
#18. Jump to conclusions and suspect the worst from others.
#19. Misunderstandings make for a funny, heart-warming story.
#20. Little old ladies can always see the truth, but they're dismissed as nuts.
#21. Dogs are always super smart, know who the "bad guys" are and always save the day. "Man's best friend" and all that.
#22. Usually kids are innocent and will "accidentally" see you break the law.
#23. A single match, or one candle will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.
#24. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.
#25. The person running away will always fall at least once and eventually be overtaken by the villain-monster that walks at half speed with a limp.
#26. Rather than wasting bullets, villains prefer to kill their enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks that will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape. #27. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
However,.......Despite all the bad stuff, there is the supreme PDMRB rule that:
~there is always the happy ending of the bad guys getting busted, while the good people get fame, fortune, and all the couples get married, or reunite. Awwwwwww. sniff, sniff.
Here's another funny list I found online:
Things I Learned From Movies
1. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
2. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.
3. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
4. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
5. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.
6. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
7. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.
8. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
9. When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a note - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
10. If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by 15cm.
11. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.
12. Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.
13. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.
14. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
15. All single women have a cat.
16. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
17. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.
18. Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.
19. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings - especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.
20. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involved martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.
21. During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing the person you are speaking to, it is customary to stand behind them and talk to their back.
22. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
23. Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them.
24. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
25. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks that will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
26. Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son's eighth birthday.
27. Many musical instruments - especially wind instruments and accordions - can be played without moving the fingers.
28. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
29. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
30. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
31. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
