Fire Monsters Against the Son of Hercules ~ 1962 -colour

QUICKIE: hmmmmm, look at his golden muscles. Huh? movie, what movie.

PLOT: A boring story of waring cave-men tribes. Really cool scenes with muscle man Reg Lewis fighting the hilariously fake monster and schmoozing the ladies.

SUMMARY: You must watch this movie if for no other reason than to learn the theme song! Ok, ok, because it's so great, I'll share it with you here from a different movie:

Isn't that just fabulous?!!! The movie is everything great about Saturday afternoon movies. Scantily clad girls in furs, he-men fighting, giant fake monsters and your standard he-man plot of good versus bad clans. Reg Lewis who plays our Hercules is wonderful to look at too.

Sandy The Seal ~ 1969 -colour

QUICKIE: Sandy the seal is made a house pet and the coast guard-ish/father is after seal poachers who are after Sandy who is after more fish and girl seals!

PLOT: When a lighthouse keeper takes in a seal in need and gives to his children to look after, the whole family is drawn into the shadowy world of illegal seal poaching. The family then finds themselves leading the fight to rid their coastal town of the criminals and save the seals.

SUMMARY: This is a great movie for kids. They can watch Sandy doing all kinds of tricks just like we're at the circus. The seal poaching story adds suspense and trouble, and there's always the happy ending as the bad guys are busted. In the meanwhile Sandy has a huge playpen built in the backyard for him, entertains the local kids with tricks, and then gets a wife. I guess when you live on the coast, marine life is a better choice for a pet than a cat or a dog? I found the story predictable and boring. But if you're a kid or thrilled by seal tricks then you'll enjoy this movie immensely.

The Smallest Show on Earth ~ 1957 -BW

QUICKIE: Watching a movie in this cinema will endager your life, but be the best movie you've never seen!

PLOT: Jean and Bill are a struggling married couple with Bill trying to scrape a living as a writer. Out of the blue they receive a telegram informing them that Bill's long-lost uncle has died and left them his business - a cinema in the town of Sloughborough. They pack their bags and travel to Sloughborough expecting to sell the cinema to gain a huge inheritance, however, they discover the cinema is falling apart and is run by a comically incompetant staff who seem to have worked there forever. They set out with a plan to sell it but things don't quite go to plan.

SUMMARY: This is a wonderfull film by every measure. Very entertaining and some comedy that is actually funny. The crew make the defects of the cinema (like an over-active boiler, or the passing train that nearly brings the house down), coincide with scenes being shown on screen and the cinema becomes widely popular for it's "interactive" movies. Some truly funny scenes when the train pases by, shaking the whole building. Peter Sellers has a small part, yet is still good. Everything works out for a happy ending as always.

Happy Go Lovely ~ 1951 -Colour

QUICKIE: Rags to riches Cinderella story with a chorus girl and a Scottish millionaire.

PLOT: Late for work on a stage show, Janet Jones (Vera-Ellen) thumbs a ride with a millionaires' chauffeur. The chauffeurs' delivery of Jones' forgotten handbag backstage leads everyone to conclude Jones is dating the town's millionaire. The producer, desperate for financial backing, makes Jones the star of the show and sets up press interviews for her. The millionaire comes to confront Jones about some purchases mistakenly charged to him through the mix up, and
through a case of mistaken identity, Miss Jones believes the millionaire is the news reporter. Courting ensues, with the millionaire eventually falling for the girl, backing the show and saving the day just when the truth comes out.

SUMMARY: Cesar Romero is completely intolerable as the frantic, constantly screaming insulting producer. I had to turn the sound down a few times because I just could not tolerate listening to any more of his shrill screaming insults at people. They were trying for humour and didn't even get close. Why more people didn't quit that job they weren't being paid for is beyond my tolerance level, but most scenarios in these films are situations that no one would ever tolerate today. Suspension of reality is always necessary in these films and here it's no different.

The story is sweet, the dance numbers are good. Vera-Ellen is a fantastic dancer. David Niven is David Niven again. Really, is he ever anything different than what he always is? A saltine cracker with a British accent. He's no Charles Boyer. Of course, no one is. All in all, it's good, wholesome entertainment.

The Indestructable Man ~ 1956 -BW

QUICKIE: Let's put a gangster into a vengefull frenzy, kill him, make his body indestructable, resurrect him and then watch the fun! Whee!

PLOT: A violent criminal called The Butcher is brought back to life by a scientist using electricity. The Butcher becomes an invulnerable mute, and seeks vengeance upon those who caused his execution.

SUMMARY: It's A-live!!!!!! Another DR creates a monster who goes beserk & kills folks. Lon Chaney is our monster this time, and there's hoochie mamas who work at the burlesque show to keep us from getting too bored with the vengfull killing spree. I fell asleep anyway.

Angel on My Shoulder ~ 1946 -BW

QUICKIE: Campaining judge is possesed by a gangster who's guided by the devil. I guess that's politics as usual, huh? Snicker.

PLOT: Gangster Eddie Kagel (Paul Muni) is killed by a trusted lieutenant and finds himself in Harry Redmond Jr's special-effects Hell, where Nick/The Devil (Claude Rains) sees that he is an-exact double for a judge who Nick doesn't approve of. Eddie is agreeable to having his soul transferred to the judge's body, as it will give him a chance to avenge himself on his killer. But every action taken by Eddie (as the judge) results in good rather than evil and, to Nick's dismay, the reputation and influence of the judge is enhanced, rather than impaired by Eddie. And Eddie also falls in love with the judge's fiancée, Barbara (Anne Baxter.) Even Eddie's planned revenge fails and Nick is forced to concede defeat. He returns to Hell, taking Eddie with him, after Eddie has extracted his promise that Nick will not molest the judge or Barbara in the future.

SUMMARY: Claude Rains as the Devil?!!! What great casting that was. Anne Baxter was also quite glamorous as well. There's some truly great lines in this film like when the devil says "what in my creation was that noise?" Or when Eddie calls the devil alot of wrong names like Bettlebub. This is a very amusing film, a different story, and just good entertainment.

Three Guys Named Mike ~ 1951 -BW

QUICKIE: Eenie, meanie, miney, MIKE!

PLOT: A stewardess becomes romantically involved with an airline pilot, a college professor, and a successful businessman, all of whom are named Mike. When the three find out about each other, she has to decide which one she loves the most.

SUMMARY: Ah! To be the girl everyone likes. 'Tis the 50s, when airlines were begining their booming business and being a stewardess, ahem, a flight attendant was such a glamorous profession. Marcy (Jane Wyman) gets courted by THREE guys named Mike and she must choose between them. Who wins? Why, the one who says he loves her of course! But everybody's a good sport about it. Reminds me of when I lived in Texas and all the guys I knew had names that began with a "J". My girlfriend & I frequently mixed their names up. I blame the alcohol. The character developement of Marcy is what's most engaging in this film. I wish I knew more people like her. She makes everybody feel good about themselves. Who wouldn't love Marcy? It's got it's funny bits too, so, all in all a cute film.

Eternally Yours ~ 1939 -BW

QUICKIE: Self centered illusionist makes his happy home life disappear by neglecting his wife.

PLOT: (from IMDB): Anita (Loretta Young), engaged to solid Don Barnes, is swept off her feet by magician Arturo (David Niven). Before you can say presto, she's his wife and stage assistant on a world tour that seems never to end. Anita is mildly annoyed by Arturo's constant flirtations, but his death-defying stunts give her nightmares. As for her plan to retire in a farmhouse, forget it. Finally, she's had enough and disappears for real...

SUMMARY: Ah, what a fabulous cast! The lovely Loretta Young, David Niven, Billie Burke, and Eve Arden too! The plot summary tells all, except that this is an engaging film with great actors that keep you interested in this different take on the rather predictable "neglected housewife leaves" plot.

A Life at Stake ~ 1954 -BW

QUICKIE: Hot chickie manipulates a guy into business with her while her & her hubbie plot his murder. Mwuah!

PLOT: A man goes into business with a married couple. He has an affair with the wife and then the husband and wife try to kill him and collect the life insurance.

SUMMARY: This movie is filled with great lessons to remember:
~If your business partner insists you take out a million dollar life insurance policy before going into business with them, it's a sure bet they're going to try and kill you soon! (DUH!)
~Never trust a dame who gets naked within the first hour of meeting you.
~Never negotiate business while necking with your partner.
~Never trust a dame whose business persuasion involves alcohol, nudity and/or sex.
~Never trust the husband who gives his wife half a million dollars to start her own business venture so she doesn't "get bored".
~Never, ever accept anything to drink from that husband who surprises you at their mountain cabin having a tryst with his wife.
~If a pair of french doors open out onto a 500 foot clean drop to the highway, it's a good bet somebody's gonna plummet to their death through them.
~Everybody wants to take your framed $1,000 bill that you keep in plain site, and kill you for it too.
~The innocent younger sister is a fountain of information & will readily spill if you're a little attentive.
~Even though you pay their salary, Cops hate you and think you're dumb. No really, they do.

Angela Lansbury (Jessica Fletcher of "Murder, She Wrote") plays a hot chick in a swimsuit. A hot, conieving, evil chick.

Cause for Alarm ~ 1951 -BW

QUICKIE: (singsong voice): "You're gonna be accused of murder......" PSYCH! (crying/laughing) Waaaaaaaaahahahahahaha

SUMMARY: (from IMDB): Invalid George Jones is both physically and mentally ill. He mistakenly believes his wife Ellen and his doctor are having an affair and also planning to kill him. He writes a letter to his lawyer detailing their alleged murder plot. After he has Ellen give the letter to their postman, he reveals its contents to her and then threatens her with a gun. The excitement proves to much and George suffers a fatal collapse. Now Ellen must find a way to retrieve the incriminating letter.

PLOT: Wow! Loretta Young is one great actress and here she really proves it as she is in almost every scene. She is also amazingly beautiful. I love the touches in this film that make it so period: the play tv, the kitchen appliances, the cars, the DR who makes housecalls, the quiet neighborhood, the simple times. It almost makes me long for the 50's. I said almost. The majority of this movie could be considered tedious as Ellen spends most of her time running around hysterically trying to retreive "the letter", however Loretta Young's acting keeps one genuinely interested and involved. I'll confess that at the end of the movie I got a bit teary eyed as I, too, felt a big emotional relief, and a let down at the realization of her husbands' death. The movie is a good emotion tugger if you surrender to the story and sympathize with the heroine.

Maniac ~ 1934 -BW

QUICKIE: The psycho "Dr." is killing people AGAIN!!!!

PLOT: (from IMDB): In a somewhat nonsensical and cobbled together plot, Don Maxwell (William Woods) is a vaudevillian actor known for his impersonations, who is running from the police and has taken a job assisting a certain Dr. Meirschultz (Horace B. Carpenter). Meirschultz believes he knows the way to resurrect the dead with a special formula he has created, and when he cannot find a corpse to experiment on, he orders Maxwell to kill himself so that he might test the serum on him instead. Rather than go through with it, Maxwell turns his gun on Meirschultz, killing him; and so that he won't arouse suspicion, Maxwell then disguises himself as the doctor and attempts to fill his role. He proceeds to meet a couple of murderously-minded women, drive one man to insanity, and eat a cat's eyeball as the plot grows increasingly more incoherent, finally resorting to blatant plagiarizing from Edgar Allen Poe's story "The Black Cat." Sporadically placed title cards relating the symptoms of various mental illnesses help give the movie its title.

SUMMARY: The psycho "Dr." is killing people AGAIN!!!! I never tire of this plot, I think it's funny. If there's a Doc in town, you just know he's gonna be a psycho murderer. He's usually killing people to fuel his experiments to develop a cure/vaccine or else create new life by killing old life, ala Frankenstein.

The difference here is we're educated along the way with on screen text about various forms of psychosis. The main character Maxwell (William Woods) becomes increasingly cucoo and even eats a cats' eyeball at one point. That was so disgusting, even if it was fake. He seals up his murdered Dr. in the basement behind a brick wall and the black cat "Satan" just happens to jump in unseen at the last minute. Eventually the police end up in the basement with two crazy ladies who are trying to kill each other and the meowing cat prompts the police to unbrick the dead Dr.. This leads to the demise of our maniacal psycho-killer.

Swing High Swing Low ~ 1937 -BW

QUICKIE: Lame-O loser is made a celebrity by his girl and when she leaves his world crashes.

PLOT: (from IMDB): In Panama, Maggie King (Carole Lombard) meets soldier Skid Johnson (Fred MacMurray) on his last day in the army and reluctantly agrees to a date to celebrate. The two become involved in a nightclub brawl which causes Maggie to miss her ship back to the States. Now stranded, she's forced to move in with Skid and his pal Harry (Charles Butterworth). She soon falls in love with Skid. Skid gets a job playing the trumpet at a local club and becomes a big success. Fame and fortune go to his head which eventually destroys his relationship with Maggie and his career.

SUMMARY: God help us, it's another Fred MacMurrary movie. Remarkably though, MacMurray is somewhat tolerable in this film. I think it's the genius of Carole Lombard that makes him raise his game and actually act a little bit. He's usually so deadpan that all I can think about is what a rotten actor he is instead of getting lost in the story.

The story is good, although I don't understand why his character Skid, who is such a cockey braggart, won't admit that he has talent at playing the trumpet? He's tooting his horn about everything else about himself. Ugh, sorry for that.

So, Skid gets Maggie stuck in Panama and she returns the favor by getting him a job playing his horn at a local club. His career takes off and he goes to New York ahead of his girl to "get things set". Now, what kind of dummy lets her man move to a big city to work at a club where his ex just happens to be the main attraction? I'd be stuck like glue to my dude, not waiting it out in Panama wondering if he's being faithfull. And Maggie has a rich fiance waiting for her in California as well too. Why she gives him up for a loser like Skid is beyond sensible. But, love makes one do stupid things. Maggie gets tired of waiting in Panama and goes to New York to surprise Skid and catches him in a compromising situation, and of course, instead of letting him explain and trusting her man, she files for divorce and plans to marry her ex-fiance.

Having lost his girl, Skid hits the skids, and Maggie bails him out once again leaving her rich boyfriend for the loser one more time. The story is good enough, although not very buyable. Carole Lombard gives a good performance and I was impressed with MacMurrays' trumpet playing. Having played coronet as a kid, I can spot fake horn blowing a mile away, and his looked legit. I was amazed that he could do anything well.

Three Broadway Girls ~ 1932 -BW

QUICKIE: With a friend like you who needs enemies!

PLOT: (from IMDB): Sophisticated comedy: a trio of money hungry women who all have sugar daddies who keep them in the lap of luxury, even as they drive the men crazy. Each woman represents a different personality type, from sensitive, to kind-hearted, to difficult and untrustworthy. Set in the age of jazz, the twenties come roaring back with immorality and in-fighting.

SUMMARY: Also titled: The Greeks Had a Word for Them. So, would that word be "frenemies"? Or perhaps "gold digger"? Or maybe it's just plain "bitch"! Whatever word you choose, I'm sure at some point you'll wish you could throttle Jean Lawrence. This movie is mainly about Jean (Ina Claire) who returns from Paris completely broke and her and her 2 friends run around town shmoozing the wealthy bachelors.

Jean continually ruins her friends' love affairs thru schemes and frame ups, and eventually sets herself up to marry a rich old man. Her two old pals rush in on her wedding day and through some conniving of their own ruin Jean's plans for a comfortable future. Why the two girls don't kick that nasty tramp to the curb is beyond me, but it makes for a good movie. There are moments when the girls' bickering and pot shots are so shrill, fast and furious that you can't even keep up. But it doesn't matter as it's not crucial to the story, just the fact that they are fighting, then making up, over and over and over, etc..

The Stork Club ~ 1945 -BW

QUICKIE: Air head working girl gets rich and it ruins her life. But it doesn't stop her from singing some really stupid songs.

PLOT: (from IMDB): An old man (Barry Fitzgerald) despondent over his failing marriage accidently falls from a dock. Judy (Betty Hutton), a hat-check girl at New York's famous Stork Club, saves him from drowning. Unknown to her, Jerry Bates (the old fellow) is rich. In gratitude he anonymously provides for her financially. Yes, it changes her life--and not all for the best. Jealous over the unknown benefactor, Judy's boyfriend (Don DeFore) dumps her. This not only puts a crimp in her love life but sidetracks her aspirations for a singing career as well. Can the old man's marriage be saved? Will bubbly, animated Judy get back her fellow?

SUMMARY: Another fabulous rags to riches story. With lots of "money doesn't make you happy" undertones. The premise of the story is based on a misunderstanding between the couple, Judy and Danny. Amazing how nobody trusts each other in these movies. Danny returns from the war and discovers his girl is suddenly living the high life. Well, just who wouldn't suspect that this innocent bubble head took up a life of prostitution? After all, who wants to work as a hat check girl forever? And her benefactor, a rich, old, ugly guy stays in the apartment with her. So, of course she'd be a kept woman for a man like that!

The story is silly, yet it's still fun with Judy trying to figure out who her benefactor is while trying to "break" him by spending all his money. There's always the happy ending though, as Judy gets Danny and his band a job performing at The Stork Club where all misunderstandings are cleared up between them. There's a sweet subplot of the same sort of misunderstanding between the old man and his wife as well.

There's a few musical bits with Judy singing, or Danny's band playing. Some of the songs are stupid and that's midly entertaining, but I could of done without the musical bits.

Broadway Limited ~ 1941 -BW

QUICKIE: It's a game of "hot potato" played with a baby instead of a 'tater!

PLOT: (from IMDB): As a ploy to gain publicity, a motion picture director (Leonid Kinskey) wants his star actress (Marjorie Woodworth) to take a baby with her on a train trip. The director's secretary (Patsy Kelly) asks the train's engineer (Victor McLaglen), an old boyfriend, for help. As the engineer ponders what to do, a stranger in the train station tells him that he has a baby that could be used. On board the train, the actress meets a young doctor (Dennis O'Keefe) whom she knew in school, and whom she is still in love with. The presence of the baby causes a series of misunderstandings between them, but the real problems begin when the engineer begins to suspect that the baby may have been kidnapped.

SUMMARY: OMG, is this stupidly enjoyable. We have the beautiful blonde starlet, an adorable baby, the handsome Dr. love interest, a bunch of kooky supporting people, all traveling on an express train. Misunderstandings abound and nobody wants the baby until everybody wants the baby. It's supposedly a kidnapped baby from a very famous rich family, which, it turns out not to be in the end, of course. But the mix ups in between are pretty entertaining. The ending is our typical feel-good ending with everyone running off to get married and the baby ending up with it's parents again. Awww.

The Evil Mind ~ 1934 -BW

QUICKIE: I forsee a good movie in your future....

PLOT: (from IMDB): Maximus is a low budget trickster who puts on a fake clairvoyant act with his young wife Rene. Act turns to reality when, in the presence of another young lady (Christine), he starts to make startlingly correct predictions. His name becomes famous and he gets richer as he correctly predicts a train wreck and the derby winner. Being around Christine so much causes jealousy to flare in his wife. He only manages to hold on to Rene by promising to stop using his clairvoyance. But then he abruptly predicts a horrific mining accident with 200 deaths. He attempts to warn the miners himself but they reluctantly return to work. When the accident does occur, Maximus finds himself on trial as its cause. (Also titled "The Clairvoyant ").

SUMMARY: Wow, that's a good story and something different than your typical love/murder drama. Plus we get Claude Rains and Fay Wray in the same movie, so we can't go wrong. The jealous wife bit is somewhat cliche, but considering the times, it's acceptable for me. I love that the little old ladies in these films are the only ones who know anything. The zeitgeist of society is well portrayed in the contrast of high society and dirty miners.

Love from a Stranger ~1937 -BW

QUICKIE: Carol wins the lottery and unknowingly marries a psycho-killer.

PLOT: (from IMDB): Carol (Ann Harding) wins the lottery, but unfortunately her sudden wealth leads to a disagreement with her fiancé Ronald (Bruce Seton), and the two break up. Carol quickly falls in love with the romantic and mysterious Gerald (Basil Rathbone), and marries him despite the warnings of her friends. It is not long before Carol begins to see that Gerald is disturbed and perhaps even dangerous, and she soon realizes that she is in great peril.

SUMMARY: As phenomenal as Basil Rathbone was as Sherlock Holmes, he is even better playing a villian! Creepy and scary. This was a great film and Basil steals the show. All ends well, of course, as the psychos always die in the end.

My Love for Yours ~ 1939 -BW

QUICKIE: Ugh, even Madeleine Carroll's great acting and the good plot can't save this film from the horribly boring Fred MacMurray.

PLOT: Madeleine Carroll plays Gail Allen, the president of Morrisey's department store. She has no time for love and is annoyed when a fortune teller predicts adventure, romance and children in her future. She promptly finds Bill Burnett (Fred MacMurray) and they fall for each other, yet she refuses to face her feelings. They go back and forth to Bali where Burnett lives. A misunderstanding that he has many other women, drives Gail back to her previous life. Burnett follows, determined to win her over.

SUMMARY: Fred MacMurray is the worst actor of this time. He's so monotone, similar to a saltine cracker. He never displays any emotion and every line is completely deadpan. He is so flat that I get angry over his continual lack of emotion. Make no mistake, it's not acting aloof, it's just bad acting, period. And to add insult to injury he usually plays the ukulele while singing. The story is good, the females are, again, exceptional characters, but MacMurray's acting is so horrible it ruins an otherwise good film for me.

Amazing Adventure ~ 1937 -BW

QUICKIE: A bored rich guy spends a year living as "the other half lives".

PLOT: (from IMDB): Ernest Bliss is a rich young man with too little to do. Not realizing the depression he's in is due to boredom, Ernest consults a doctor. Sir James Aldroyd gives Ernest a prescription that he doesn't think Ernest can fill: Ernest must earn his own living for one year using none of his current wealth. Ernest bets him 50,000 English pounds that he can.

SUMMARY: Oh, to be the idle rich, it's such a tedious and dreary thing. Our hero, Mr. Bliss bets his Dr. to live as a working class man for a year. So Bliss works as a stove salesman and through offering free dinners gains a sale of 100 stoves. The boss wants to make him a partner, and for some dumb reason, Bliss won't accept success, so he declines and becomes a chauffer for hire instead.

Meanwhile the stove business secretary and Mr. Bliss fall for each other. Our heroine (Mary Brian) has a sister who needs to be sent to Switzerland for medical care and the only way she can see to finance it is to marry her old boss, the stove king. Our hero Mr. Bliss forfits his bet so he can save our heroine from marrying for money.

A charming film overall. Not many laughs or great drama, but a nice, plain film all the same. Bliss continually turns around and uses his money to change things, which somehow doesn't negate the bet. I love that he ends up buying the garage where he worked and firing his old boss. Who wouldn't love that kind of power? And let's face it, Cary Grant is such a joy to watch I don't care much about the story.

It's A Joke Son ~ 1947 -BW

QUICKIE: Comedy about a southern Senator who runs for office against his wife.

PLOT: The first Eagle-Lion film stars Kenny Delmar as Senator Beauregard Claghorn, his "Allen's Alley" resident-character heard on Fred Allen's radio program. Claghorn was a blustery, one-man-Chamber-of-Commerce for all things Southern, who had no tolerence for anything north of the Mason-Dixon line, although he made allowances for South Philly. The character inspired the creation of one of the most popular of the Warners' cartoon characters, Foghorn Leghorn, who re-worked most of the originals material and style. The title of this movie is a stock line- "it's a joke, son"---he would feed a befuddled Fred Allen each week. In the film, Claghorn gets into some financial difficulties and is forced by a machine-political gang to enter a race for state senator against his wife (Una Merkel) who appears to have a good chance to beat the political hack backed by the machine. Claghorn is in to siphon votes and ensure his wife's opponent will win and is expected to run a campaign that will defeat himself and his wife. But, he runs to win and the machine's henchies abduct him.

SUMMARY: A rather funny movie if you can tolerate confederates who hate "the North". Claghorn is frequently "called" by his wife by her playing Dixie on the piano. The absolute best scene is when the tea-totaling Ladies of the community gather at the Senator's house and accidentally get drunk on "punch" made by a local boy who helped Claghorn in the kitchen. I found it a mildly amusing film all about Claghorn and being southern. I can totally see the Foghorn Leghorn inspiration.

Slightly Honorable ~ 1940 -BW

QUICKIE: Slightly comprehensible as various people try and frame a lawyer for murder. Lots of quick funny bits if you can keep up.

PLOT: An honest lawyer becomes the target of a corrupt politician who decides to frame the attorney for the murder of a young woman. Desperate to clear his name, the attorney sets out to track down the real culprit with the help of his assistant and some unexpected help from a nightclub dancer. The trail to the real killer ends up leading our attorney to someone connected to him a lot closer than he ever imagined.

SUMMARY: Wow. I've seen this movie twice and still didn't follow all of it. There's about 10 guys who are hard to tell apart on a small screen such as I have. There's some plot about trying to win a contract to build highways, and a big courtroom demonstration to go with it. A toughened socialite (Claire Dodd) gets murdered, which starts local politicians trying to get the lawyer arrested for the murder.

The real gems in this movie are the women. The too young dancer (Ruth Terry) who forces herself onto the lawyer steals every scene with her over zealous stupidity. Eve Arden is fabulous as the bitingly witty secretary, a role she seems typcast in, but still a joy to watch.

The one liners are fast and furious. The movie ends with the lawyer driving to a graveyard in Texas to discover clues to the murder and his tag-a-long partner tries to kill him. Once back home the next morning, the lawyer confronts his partner and they fight to the death. The nightclub singer witnesses the whole thing and notifies the police, clearing the lawyer. Somehow the truth about the corrupt politicians who were trying to frame the lawyer gets all straightened out too. I couldn't follow the plot too well as I was trying to keep everyone straight and keep up with the flying one liners. Not an Earth shattering melodrama, so I didn't worry about losing the plot, I just enjoyed the humor.

The Monster Maker ~ 1944 -BW

QUICKIE: Our hero gets injected with acromegaly by the mad Dr.

PLOT: A mad scientist-Dr. Igor Markoff (J. Carrol Naish) injects a concert pianist, Anthony Lawrence (Ralph Morgan) with a disease that only he has the antidote for, which he trys to blackmail the pianist's daughter, Patricia (Wanda McKay) into marriage for.

SUMMARY: J. Carrol Naish is seriously creepy and evil as the demented "Dr." who injects our hero with acromegaly. Our heroine is rightly nervous and suspicous of him. After degrading into grotesqueness, Mr. Lawrence has no choice but to submit to the evil Dr.'s demands in order to get a cure. But of course, the mad Dr. is killed and all hope is lost for a cure, or rather not, as the Dr.'s assistant Maxine (Tala Birell) saves the day by curing him. Always the happy ending as the movie closes with Lawrence giving a concert again.

Love this condescending dialogue:

Mr. Lawrence: (tapping Pat's nose) You've been listening to too many horror radio programs lately. What you need is a good workout on a badminton court. Come on, run along.

Right. We all know nothing will break a sweat like a good game of badminton, and his daughter is 20 something, not six.

There's a good sub-plot of the long-suffering assistant who is in love with the kooky Dr. and her slow realisation that the Dr. is mad and will never love her, but trys to kill her instead by having a giant ape attack her. So, why in these movies do the girls always confront the lunatic with "I'm going to reveal you to the authorities" threats? Don't they know that you never confront a mad Dr., but gently reassure his ego while looking for an opportunity to quietly slip away, turn him in and join a witness protection program?

The Ape ~ 1940 -BW

QUICKIE: There's a giant ape killing people, but surprise! it's the local Dr. again.

PLOT: Dr. Bernard Adrian (Boris Karloff) is a kindly mad scientist who seeks to cure a young woman's (Maris Wrixon) polio. He needs spinal fluid from a human to complete the formula for his experimental serum. Meanwhile, a vicious circus ape has broken out of its cage, and is terrorizing towns people.

SUMMARY: Yes, yes, it's the local Dr./scientist who's killing people again! But this time he's fooled us all by wearing a giant monkey suit. So the town hunts an ape this time. Apparently the Dr. has created a cure for paralysis and needs spinal fluid to make the serum. He's testing it out on our heroine who's been paralyzed for 10 years. But, never fear, there's always a happy ending as our crazed Dr. lies dying (as the hunted ape) our heroine stands up from her wheelchair and walks! Proving the Dr.'s formula works. Yay, now she can walk down the isle like a real bride. dabs tears away.

The Vampire Bat ~ 1933 -BW

QUICKIE: People are dying by what appears to be a vampire but is actually the local Dr. (again).

PLOT: (from IMDB) When the villagers of Klineschloss start dying of blood loss, the town fathers suspect a resurgence of vampirism. While police inspector Karl remains skeptical, scientist Dr. von Niemann (Lionel Atwill) cares for the vampire's victims one by one, and suspicion falls on simple-minded Herman Gleib (Dwight Frye) because of his fondness for bats. A blood-thirsty mob hounds Gleib to his death, but the vampire attacks don't stop.

SUMMARY: Oh! There's a "burgermeister" in town! Which is just a German mayor/police chief. They always look like Burl Ives on a very bad hair day. They make me laugh just by showing up on screen. There's also a local mental case which everyone suspects is the vampire, at least until they drive him into a cave and kill him. But that doesn't stop the blood draining deaths.

It's actually the Dr. who has created a machine to drain people's blood while mocking the local superstitions of vampirism. Apparently he's got a heart in an aquarium and discovered that by pumping blood into it he can keep it alive. I guess the thought of a transplant never entered his mind. No, it's enough to keep it beating freestyle in an aquarium forever. Eventually he's discovered to be the mad murderer and he's killed.

I was disappointed it wasn't an actual vampire movie, but rather a giant mockery of one. A decent story just the same. & we all love Fay Wray. A very suspensfull and a bit shocking scene when everyone figures out that the town murdered simple minded Herman by driving a stake through his heart. "Karl" insists that a decent burial is the least that could be done for him now that they know he's not a vampire. OH! What a sick town!

Affair in Monte Carlo ~ 1952 -BW

QUICKIE: Bored socialite falls for wealthier gambler whom she saves from suicide.

PLOT: (from IMDB) Writer Robert Sterling is visiting a café, when suddenly a scandal becomes known. To keep the others from overreacting, Sterling tells them about something similar that he saw happen years ago. He had been in Monte Carlo, and was playing host to a young widow whom he knew well. When he persuaded her to visit the casino one night, she became irresistibly attracted to a desperate young man who became suicidal after losing all his money at roulette. Sterling describes how they fell deeply in love, and how both of them then had to face difficult decisions about the future.

SUMMARY: A group is astonished that a woman would run away with another man right before her wedding. Our hero recounts to them the story of how our heroine fell in love with a complete stranger and tried to run away with him, all within 24 hours.

Oh man! The rich are so spoiled that they irresponsibly blow all their money gambling then try to kill themselves over the situation. Like getting a job is such a foreign concept to the wealthy? So, our heroine steps in and stops the man and they fall for each other. As she's about to leave town with him he gambles again, wins, and then loses it all when she tries to stop him. Losing everything, he kills himself. But never fear! There's always a happy ending as the socialite ends up married to our narrator. And not to be missed is 2 renditions of "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts".

The Naked Kiss ~ 1964 -BW

QUICKIE: A prostitute trys to go straight in a new town where a cop harasses the crap out of her. She falls for a wealthy pedophile that she murders.

PLOT: (from IMDB) Constance Towers stars as Kelly, a prostitute who finds redemption in the town of Grantville, where she arrives working as a medium-time seller. There, she mets Griff (Anthony Eisley), the police captain of the town, with whom she spends a romantic afternoon. The woman, traumatized by an experience in the past called "The Naked Kiss" by psychiatrists, finally, finds a job as a nurser in a Hospital for handicapped children, experience that allows her to find a sensitive side in caring and patiently love each one of her little patients. Apparently, Kelly will find happiness in Grant (Michael Dante), her fiancé and Griff's partner, but she will be the witness of a shocking event that will threaten this happiness and even her mental health.

SUMMARY: Constance Towers is phenomenal in this film. Emotionally tugs at you throughout. She quits prostitution, moves to a new town and gets a job as a nurse in a disabled children's ward. As she plays Florence Nightengale, a cop harasses her to the point that even I want to kick him. His "a whore will always be a whore" attitude is infuriating. These old movies show how sexist things were, even in 1964. As well as always portraying cops as stupid bullies.

She falls for the towns' most eligible wealthy bachelor. Before the wedding she catches him in a pedophilic act and kills him with the phone. Really, how can you murder someone by hitting them with the handset of a phone? So, she gets arrested and the town turns against her. When the truth comes out of what really happened, the town rallies support for her. She gets released from jail and leaves town for a fresh start.

Dead Men Walk ~ 1943 -BW

QUICKIE: George Zucco plays a vampire!

PLOT: (from IMDB): With the death of Dr. Elwyn Clayton (George Zucco), his twin brother, Dr. Lloyd Clayton (also George Zucco) is almost relieved. His late brother has changed significantly since a trip to India where he had become interested in mysticism and the occult. In fact, his brother has now risen from the dead and is a vampire out to seek revenge on his brother who had a hand in his premature death. Despite several deaths in the town, Lloyd is reluctant to believe his late brother is a vampire. When Elwyn attacks their niece Gayle, he enlists the aid of her fiancé to fight the evil that is among them.

SUMMARY: The fabulous George Zucco in a dual role of vampire & the good brother trying to stop him. A different take on the story as Clayton is made a vampire through occult sorcery instead of through siring. The rest is typical: he's after the pretty girl (and it's never mentioned, but she's his daughter-ew), the boyfriend suspects the uncle which incites the townsfolk to come after the good Dr., thinking he's a murderer. No one believes in vampires until the end when the 2 brothers fight to the death in a burning building and fire just happens to be the only way to kill vampires in this movie. A fun little vampire movie. Not much new though.

The Mad Monster ~ 1942 -BW

QUICKIE: George Zucco turns a man into a monster and he's mad, mad I tell you! MAD!

PLOT: (from IMDB): Dr. Cameron (George Zucco) has succeeded in his experiments with a serum which will turn a man into a wolf-like monster and is ready to avenge himself on the men who caused his professional failure. He uses it on his gardener Petro (Glenn Strange) and one after the other is killed by his creation. His daughter, Lenora (Anne Nagel), grows suspicious and confides with newspaper reporter Tom Gregory (Johnny Downs).

SUMMARY: First up, I love George Zucco. He's fabulous as every villian I've seen him play. He's very theatrical. This is a fun werewolf movie. A simple story of getting the monster to kill your enemies with the inevitable conclusion that he turns against his creator and kills him in the end. No surprises here. Just good, clean werewolfey fun.

Monsoon ~1943 -BW

QUICKIE: A bar full of hoochies hook up with a couple of crooks to retrieve sunken treasure. But avast maties! Feel the wrath that greed brings through murder, betrayal and a giant monsoon.

PLOT: (from IMDB): The owner of a seedy dive and brothel on a South Seas island meets two treasure hunters looking for a sunken ship with a $3-million cargo of gold. She persuades them to let her in on the deal. Complications ensue because of intrigue, double-crosses and an approaching violent monsoon. Also titled: "Isle of Forgotten Sins".

SUMMARY: Woohoo! A brothel on a tropical island is destroyed by a couple of adventurers who can't stop fighting with each other. And I'm talking some REAL knock-down nastiness here. None of that Hollywood stunt fighting. Ok, maybe a couple of fake punches, but watch how they throw each other around. Wow. What fun to destroy a set made out of bamboo.

A detective is sitting in the bar just waiting for something nasty to happen so he can close the place down. So, it's just a matter of time until one of the girls murders a man and everybody makes a run for it. All the girls hook up with the 2 guys who destroyed the bar and they all agree to go after the sunken treasure. They sail to another island where the Captain of the sunken ship lives in luxury right on the waterfront.

There are various plans and betrayls as they go after the gold and eventually the monsoon comes. The native chief informs the Capatain to take shelter in the high ground and even though this group has lived in this area for awhile, and should know to trust the locals, do you think any of them do and seek shelter? Of course not. Gold is more important than the monsoon which will inevitably wipe everyone out. Moral of the story: Greed does not pay.

The Phantom Fiend ~ 1932 -BW

QUICKIE: (singsong voice): Your lodger is a psycho.

PLOT: (from IMDB): This was the first sound remake of the Hitchcock silent classic inspired by the Jack the Ripper legend. Ivor Novello, who played the title role and headed the team writing the script, was in the original as well.

SUMMARY: A family gets a new lodger who just happens to be slitting the throats of the local girls. Of course the daughter falls for him and they begin courting. Much to the chagrin of her news reporter-boyfriend. He suspects the lodger is the murderer and rouses the authorities to pursue him. In a suspenseful ending we find out it isn't the lodger, but his psycho brother that is the murderer. The lodger has come to the city to stop his crazy brother. Eh, some families!

The Sleeping Tiger ~ 1954 -BW

QUICKIE: Creepy, intricate story about a convict/house guest who seduces the wife who eventually freaks out and becomes the "psycho in the house" instead of the convict.

PLOT: A psychotherapist decides to rehabilitate an ex-con by having him live at his estate with him, his wife and servant. The wife is initially resentful, but eventually warms up and they become lovers. When the con decides to go straight and rejects the wife, she flips out.

SUMMARY: What a great movie! I'm just saying: "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned".

The Fatal Hour ~ 1940 -BW

QUICKIE: Mr. Wong returns to investigate a cops murder and Chinese smuggling ring.

PLOT: The 4th film in the line of Mr. Wong features. Police Captain Street (Grant Withers) enlists the help of Mr. Wong (Karloff) to investigate the murder. Mr. Wong discovers a smuggling ring operating on the San Fransico waterfront. After 3 more murders Wong finally breaks the case open.

SUMMARY: Holy Moly! If you blink in the last minute of the movie you'll totally miss who did it! And what? WHO did it? and why? Sometimes these endings are pulled out of nowhere. I had to watch the end twice to understand it. It wasn't what I expected and left me confused. But after thinking it through it seemed buyable enough. Except that a man could be shot twice in the head in the middle of a police station with no one seeing who did it. Especially the sargent sitting at his desk right in front of the murdered man. hmmm. ok. All in all a good story with molls, smugglers, police, the innocent youth and family conflicts. Typical good stuff.

The Giant Gila Monster ~ 1959 -BW

QUICKIE: A giant lizard is eating people.

PLOT: (from IMDB) A small town in Texas finds itself under attack from a hungry, fifty-foot-long gila monster. No longer content to forage in the desert, the giant lizard begins chomping on motorists and train passengers before descending upon the town itself. Only Chase Winstead, a quick-thinking mechanic, can save the town from being wiped out.

SUMMARY: What a fun thriller! A totally silly romp of an over grown lizard eating up any passerby. I love the shots were the Gila is admist model sized trees and cars. And when it takes out the bridge! So fake it's funny. The model train wreck is also a hoot. The story centers mainly around Chase who is an Elvis wanna-be. So of course, we get to hear him sing more than once. He specializes in playing a minature banjo. And sings a song he even wrote himself. Have a laugh, go ahead:

There's lots of hot rods, dancing teens and drunks. An actual storyline keeps the movie going while we're waiting to see more wanton lizard destruction.

Sinners in Paradise ~ 1938 -BW

QUICKIE: It's Gilligan's Island before there was a tv series!

PLOT: (from IMDB) A seaplane departs for China. On board are a nurse escaping a loveless marriage to do work with refugees, an elderly woman hoping to surprise her estranged son, a wealthy heiress trying to distance herself from labor troubles, an oily Senator, a moll and a mobster fleeing the wrath of the gangs they've double-crossed, two rival munitions salesmen out to cash in on the misery of war, and a fresh-faced young steward. Caught in a course-altering storm, a crash-landing destroys the plane, kills the plane's officers, and tosses the surviving passengers into the sea. They are washed ashore on an isolated island inhabited solely by mysteriously reclusive Mr. Taylor and his servant, Ping. Until Taylor decides if, how and when he will allow them to take his boat back to China for help, this disparate band must work together, change their self-centered ways, and examine their motives for wanting to escape from the island and their pasts.

SUMMARY: Fabulously hokey film about various characters whose plane goes down and they're marooned on an island. There is a DR/felon living there with his servant who at first refuses to help them. It just so happens that the Dr killed the son of one of the passengers. Of course! The island work is divided and they all go about their chores, fighting and courting one another. A couple of thugish guys steal the boat and kidnap the servant who is the only one who can navigagte the boat. In rough waters the servant manages to kill both thugs yet is wounded himself. He manages to sail the boat back and dies right when the good DR gets aboard to help him. The DR sails the lot back to the Chinese mainland knowing he'll be arrested for murder once he arrives.

What really steals the show is the moll Marion Martin and the parrot that mocks everyone.

The Wrong Road ~ 1937 -BW

QUICKIE: Instead of getting a job, a couple of spoiled brats steal $100,000, do jail time then spend the rest of the movie trying to recover the hidden loot while evading various people who are trying to get the money from them.

PLOT: (from IMDB) A young married couple whose plans for their life together haven't turned out as expected decide to rob the bank where the husband works of $100,000, then hide the money in a safe place and return for it after they serve out their sentences. All goes according to plan until they get out of prison, when they find that they're being trailed by an insurance investigator and the husband's old cellmate, who has decided that he wants a cut of the money.

SUMMARY: Seriously, what kind of morality are they pushing when a couple of college kids think it's better to steal money than to work hard? More than once they say they "earned" the money by serving their time in jail. What? If that kind of convoluted logic was true, then jails would be bulging at the seams.

There's some awesome dialogue like: "Every salesman is a pinhead." (pointing to map). And the usual sexist crap. The insurance investegator plays dirty trying to get Betty to reveal where the money is stashed by playing to her vanity:

Roberts: Have you taken a good look in the mirror lately?
Betty: Why, yes. Why?
Roberts: That money's doin' things to ya. It's beginin to show in your faces. (lightly touches around Betty's eyes) Little hard lines that weren't there before. Bitternesses. Go on, take a good look.
Betty: Why you'd be surprised what a few facials would do.
Roberts: If you were to spend all of that money on facials. It wouldn't clean you up inside. That's the idea, it's doing things to you.

Anyway, this movie embodies everything I love about these old movies. The story is a huge departure from reality. The kids have this stupid innocence that even becoming a crook and serving 2 years in the penitentiary can't destroy. The investigator tailing them cuts them breaks because he "believes in their underlying goodness". Totaly hokey. There's always tough thugs, a shoot out, a car chase, an elderly couple who live to feed strangers, and the always happy, sappy ending. In fact, the dialogue at the end of this movie had me laughing so hard I could hardly wait to type it up here:

Betty: Why even if we get away we'll be hunted. We'll never know a moment of real peace. We'll always be on the run. Aw Jimmy, I don't wanna be on the run, I wanna stand still. I wanna marry you and stop running. Aw Jimmy let's stand still. Let's go back and give the money to Roberts and laugh again.
Jimmy: (nods head)
(the couple laugh with glee and embrace)
Roberts: well here I am and you kids can start laughing right now. (To Betty) better than a facial huh?
Betty: (laughs)
Jimmy: Here's the money Mr. Roberts
Roberts: Thanks Jimmy
Jimmy: Don't thank me I've never been so glad to get rid of anything in my life.
Roberts: I'm glad to get the money back of course, but that's not why I thanked you. You see, I've always believed in you kids from the very start and you lived up to my belief. That's why I said thanks.
Betty: Thank you for believing in us.
Jimmy: You know the reason we took that money is because we didn't believe in ourselves. But no more, we're all thru with short cuts, they're too tough.
Betty: From now on we'll earn our happiness
Jimmy: Together?
Betty: Always.

awwwww. I loled.

Speak Easily ~ 1932 -BW

QUICKIE: Geeky proffessor who thinks he's inherited $750,000 hooks up with a vaudeville act and backs them to do a show on Broadway. His dangerous slapstick "accidents" ruin the opening night, but make it a hysterical success, saving the day.

PLOT: Naive, bookish Professor Post (of Potts College) inherits a huge amount of money and decides that now he can afford to go out and enjoy life. He falls for a dancer in a bad stage show, and with his new money decides to buy the show and take it to Broadway. Opening night is a disaster as the clumsy Professor continually ends up on stage trying to correct a mistake, but wrecking the scene. The story is ruined, but his antics make the "play" a success with the crowd.

SUMMARY: Wow, Buster Keaton movies scare me. I think it's that the stunts he does are so unbelievably dangerous, and sometimes border on violent. The most mesmorizing moment of this film is when he manages to get himself caught in a rope that spins him around a roatating scenery, slapping him into the curtains as he flys around the stage mid-air.

Throughout every slapstick film I find myself not believing that anybody could be THAT stupid and clumsy. How has he made it through life without dying? I never find people getting hurt being humorous and everything Buster Keaton does in a film would probably kill me. Maybe I should classify this as a horror film? But if you like slapstick films Keaton films are the best as he does amazing stunts and is unafraid to be an idiot for laughs.

The story is actually pretty good and Jimmy Durante is always amusing with a big screen presence. The scene where Keaton and Thelma Todd are drunk is very funny.

Zis Boom Bah ~ 1941 -BW

QUICKIE: Tough broad leaves Vaudville to set her son straight while he's still at college. She turns an ice cream parlor into a nightclub and the spoiled college brats ruin the rest of the film with bad "entertainment" bits.

PLOT: A singer leaves Vaudeville to spy on her estranged son at college. She finds him a spoiled rich kid and decides to change him without revealing her identity as his mother. She buys the local ice cream parlor and turns it into a nightclub where she coaxes her son and his friends to perform. The college's football team has a miraculous winning year which saves the failing school from banckruptcy.

SUMMARY: Grace Hayes takes over the town by buying the college's most influential people off: her son who lives on credit and his gang of ingrate friends who are obviously just with him for his money. There's alot of mean biting comments flying around. It made me uncomfortable. People are better behaved today than they were in that movie. In the middle of the film she passive-aggresively, insultingly motivates them all into working for her and the whole rest of the film is ruined with bad musical bits. But apparently because of her and her money she gets the college football team to win. I didn't understand that bit, but let's just pretend she's actually that motivating. This saves the college from banckruptcy and the kid's entertainmaent is a hit. Her son somehow figures out she's his mother and they reunite with her a hero in the end.

This is one of those: "I want to work with my family" pictures. So the actors have great presence, but the film is so lacking that you wish there had been more meat to it. Apparently Grace Hayes was a headliner in vaudeville and the mother of actor Peter Lind Hayes who plays her son in this film. Her character is so awesome I wished for a long drawn out story of her controling everyone with her money. But we only get half of that picture and the rest is musical bits. The first half was great, but I started fast forwarding through the numbers. Seriously, this Mae-West-wanna-be should have done more movies.

Revolt of the Zombies ~ 1936 -BW

QUICKIE: Ostracised explorer-scientist discovers the secret to turning people into zombies and uses it to make people do his will and blackmails his love to marry him in exchange for not zombifying her true love. The woman flips it in the end and the dude is destroyed by his own zombies.

PLOT: After the war an expedition of representatives from Allied countries is sent to Cambodia to find and destroy the Secret of the Zombies. The group includes Armand Louque (Dean Jagger) and Claire (Dorothy Stone) who Armand falls in love with. Many accidents result in the natives refusing to work and the expedition returns to Pnom Penh. Armand finds a clue which he had overlooked before and returns to Angkor against orders. Eventually Armand gains the knowledge of how to make zombies out of people, and gets hundreds to do his bidding. Eventually he returns to make Claire his bride which brings about his downfall.

SUMMARY: How cool is that to just be able to look at somebody and they become your zombie servant? In the begining it seems to take some magical incense, but later it's just hovering eyeballs on the screen that zombify people.

A meek scientist who's put off by everyone discovers the power to make everyone do his bidding and becomes a power hungry lunatic. Zombifying hundreds of people in order to get his way. In the end he gets to marry his love, but only if he gives up his power to zombify people. He relinquishes the power, his zombies awaken, get pissed and come to kill him, which they do. The moral of the story is again "crime doesn't pay". It's a decent story with the predictable "you should be more ruthless" comments leading to him becoming ruthless and everyone is soooooo surprised by it.

The Beast of Yucca Flats ~ 1961 -BW

QUICKIE: A boring, drawn out story of a crazy man killing everyone he can find in the desert while rangers try to find and kill him.

PLOT: A defecting Russian scientist (Tor Johnson) is transformed by an atomic test into a murderous monster. A couple is killed, boys get lost, their dad is shot at while searching for them. Rangers climb mountains searching for the monster and they eventually find and kill him.

SUMMARY: This begining of this film is for guys. It begins with a chick fresh from the shower wrapped only in a towel who promptly gets strangled. Then there's Russian spies, a shoot out and a car chase that ends in the desert. The big Russian spy with his briefcase chained to his wrist sets off into the desert to escape while the shoot out continues. Then boom! An atomic blast complete with historic mushroom cloud footage. And voila! Our Russian spy becomes a murdering psychopathic monster. Because as Hiroshima has taught us all, nuclear bombs do create psychopaths intent on murdering everything they can find.

The local cop goes to his buddy's house and we hear the caveman like mini-sentences while the whole scene focuses on his hot wife in low cut, high hitched nightgown sexily getting out of bed, bending over so we can oogle the hot clevage and then she gets back into bed so we can oogle her legs. Completely gratuitous boobie & leg scene, but I was so caught up with the sex appeal I didn't care. But I did laugh at this slow caveman dialogue:

Joe: Jim?
Jim: Be down in a minute Joe.
Jim: Yea?
Joe: Better come with me. Trouble up the road. Murder.
Jim: Be right down.
Jim: See ya later honey.

Boring reading, but funnier when dragged out for dramatic effect which it just can't deliver. I really expected the men to follow up with "ugga, ugga. me. man. fire. kill." The dialougue is generally sparse. There's long quiet stretches in the movie, punctuated by a narrator who makes comments like this:

Twenty hours without rest and still no enemy. In the blistering desert heat, Jim and Joe plan their next attack. Find the Beast and kill him. Kill, or be killed. Man's inhumanity to man.

A strange, boring film that leaves me saying yuck-a to "Yucca". heehee

The Terror ~ 1963 -colour

QUICKIE: Soldier hunts for a hot chick he meets on the beach and finds out she's a ghost haunting a Baron's cool castle. Jack Nicholson & Boris Karloff!

PLOT: France, 18th century. Lieutenant Andre Duvalier (Jack Nicholson) has been accidentally separated from his regiment. He is wandering near the coast when he sees a young woman. Eventually she takes him to the sea, where she disappears in rough water. Andre loses consciousness when he is trying to follow her and is attacked by a bird.

He awakes in a house with an old witch woman and a dumb man. She claims their is no woman. After he leaves, he sees the young woman again and when trying to follow her is saved by the dumb man from certain death. He learns that to help the girl, he must go to castle of Baron Van Leppe and find Eric. When the Lieutenant arrives he sees the woman looking from a window. Baron Van Leppe (Boris Karloff) is old and claims there's no woman in the castle, but shows Lt. Duvalier a painting which does indeed portray her. Lt. Duvalier learns that she is the baroness, who died twenty years ago at the Baron's hand when he returned from the war and found her in bed with Eric.

Eventually we learn the "ghost" is a girl who is being controlled by the witch woman who saved Lieutenant Duvalier earlier. The witch woman turns out to be seeking revenge against the Baron for killing her son Eric who was the Baroness' lover.

SUMMARY: A very good story line with great actors (of course!). The second time through it's a great movie to fall asleep to. I just love those old castles with HUGE ballrooms. WOW.

The Screaming Skull ~ 1958 -BW

QUICKIE: Newlywed couple returns home to a house haunted by the husbands first wifes' ghost.

PLOT: Newlyweds Eric and Jenni Whitlock retire to his desolate mansion, where Eric's first wife Marianne died from a mysterious freak accident. Jenni, who has a history of mental illness, begins to see strange things including a mysterious skull, which may or may not be a product of her imagination. Suspicion falls on Mickey, the estate's mentally challenged gardener, who seemingly was very attached to his former mistress.

SUMMARY: You know you're in for a goodie when the movie opens with the promise that you just might die of fright from watching the following movie, and if by chance you do die, you are promised free burial services by the movies' producers. Haw! I'm sure my family would appreciate that. So, was I frightened? I'll admit I turned the sound down a few times because I hear creaking wood floors enough from my upstairs neighbors. Now, if you want a real fright we can discuss the noises they make in bed, but I'm digressing. The screaming gets tiresome too. Why must every female in every B&W movie try to destroy our hearing with that shrieking?

The story had a few twists and I suspected the gardner, the husband, the wife, and then the ghost. You never know in some movies untill they're over. The end was predictable, but what do you expect? The floating skull harassing the husband was just too far from reality for me to buy any of it. But who cares! I don't watch for realism, I watch for laughs. Generally at the end of this movie I was laughing more than being scared to death as the opening cautioned us. But I suppose one could die from laughing while choking on their popcorn. That'd be scary.

It was interesting enough to keep me watching although I knew it would be the skull knocking on the door. How predictable was that? Very. Also predictable that the husband would die the same way his previous wife had. The nice thing about these classic films is that every bit of dialogue is significant. So if they go into great detail about the 1st wifes' death, then you can bet it's some type of forshadowing. But again, a strong grown man couldn't stop a skull from biting his neck? & a female skull at that? I guess it was the power of vengance that fueled the skull to murder? Letting go of reality is a requirement in these films.

The Attack Of The Giant Leeches ~ 1959

QUICKIE: Giant leeches live in the local swamp and are eating people.

PLOT: In a community nearby a swamp, after moonshine-swilling-trapper Lem Sawyer sees a giant creature, people start disappearing. While searching for illegal traps nature preserve/game warden Steve Benton (Ken Clark) and his girl-friend Nan Greyson (Jan Shepard) find Lem dying with giant sucker wounds on his body.

The cuckold Dave Walker finds his wife Liz Walker cheating on him with his friend Cal Moulton. He chases the couple through the swamp, and forces them to jump into the water. The leeches attack them, and the shocked Dave is arrested, accused of murder. When police refuse to believe Dave's story, he hangs himself in his cell.

Two other locals decide to look for the bodies of Liz and Cal to get the prize of US$ 50.00 per body, and also vanish into the swamp. Game Warden Steve Benton and Nan's father, Dr Greyson realize that the people were taken by the leeches and conclude they live in caves under the swamp. Using dynamite, the 4 missing bodies are discovered. Game warden Steve Benton organizes a patrol to investigate the caves under the swamp, finding the lethal giant leeches and then destroys them.

SUMMARY: If just the title of this movie makes you giggle then you will laugh outright when you see the "giant leech" is a man dressed in a black garbage bag. Classic special effects! The other gem in this movie is the scuba scene where the leading man Ken Clark is clad in the current fashion swim trunks which are slim fitting, tight and sexy! And look at those muscles and that chest hair!

The plot is silly. As radiation from nearby Cape Canaveral has caused leeches to mutate and grow big enough to devour everything in the swamp including crocodiles and then start in on the humans. One part that bugs me is the leeches put the people into underground caves, keeping them alive until the leeches want to eat again. I've kept pet leeches before, and once they get a food source they don't let go of it until it's drained of blood. But we'll ignore that venture from reality. As well as the typical classic movie dumb down that a group of 3 or more intelligent people won't gang up against the single stupid enemy and kill it.

They also don't explain that before the leeches arise from the water they create a bunch of bubbles which seem to render the humans unconscious. I can only guess it's the worst case of leech farts ever. But I suppose on a diet of swamp creatures you'd have bad gas too. They also emit strange sounds whenever on screen. I can only surmise it's the leech mating call, as well as a cue for the viewer to suspect leech danger. All in all, a fun romp, and the story was believable enough to keep me interested throughout.